Speak For Yourself
by dressed to the nines
Summary: The Wasabi Warriors have definitely had their fair share of odd conversations. /Mostly One-shots with all-dialogue. Slight Crack!Fic and OOC. Rated T for language and Jack's gutter-mind. KICK, JACE, MILLIE Give suggestions in a review!
1. Chapter 1

**Surprise Visit**

"Jack, what are you doing here? Isaac, be _careful_ with that!"

"Um, I surprisingly found you in the book. Is this a bad time or something?"

"N-no— Dani put that down, _now_! Sorry, kids just came back from ice cream."

"Kids?"

"Yep, I'm officially a babysitter now."

"Officially."

"I just got my official document last week after about a thousand interrogative statements. Waste of my time if you ask me. I'm fourteen, not a kidnapper or a human trafficker. The worst I could do is force them to watch The Vow with me."

"The Vow?"

"The Vow. A movie. Gosh, Jack, has some new illiterate cancer sprung up and limited you to two words a sentence?"

"Oh, sorry."

". . . ."

"Right, so, why do you need to babysit?"

"Need the extra money."

"But I thought your father was, like, the CEO of some overpaying, debt inducing company."

". . . ."

"That was rude, wasn't it?"

"Just a bit. But no, it's my mom who's the CEO of that _overpriced_, debt inducing, store called Hollister."

"Hollister! Wow Kim, that explains your wardrobe."

"And what exactly has my wardrobe to say?"

"Put your eyebrow back down, I meant it as a compliment, Kim. I always see you in that brand of clothes. It suits you."

"Ah, thanks? Well— being the daughter of the big cheese— I get a generous discount and a pick at the newest stuff."

"Lucky ducky!"

"What did you just say?"

"Lucky?"

"And—"

"Ducky?"

"Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Ever say that again."

"Why? Does it annoy little Kimmy?"

"_Ew_, get your finger off my cheek."

"Heh, you get cute when you're annoyed."

"What?"

"Nothing. I said absolutely nothing."

"Sure."

"KIMMY!"

"Isaac don't pull Dani's hair, it's not gentlemanly."

"AWWWW!"

"I said _no_, Isaac! Sorry, Jack."

"It's fine. Um, would you mind if I came in?"

"What— oh yeah, sure. Gosh I didn't even realize we'd been standing at the door."

"Really?"

"Things slip your mind when you're babysitting these two."

"How long?"

"Three today."

"Hours?"

"Days."

"_Days_?!"

"Days."

"_Dang_."

"I know."

"Where are their parents?"

"Living it up in Paris."

"Paris, huh?"

"Yeah, Paris— don't sit there, there's a sippy-cup there— the city of love."

"Wow, Kim. I'd never label you as a sucker for romance— can I sit here?"

"Yeah, there's no children's toys to harm you. And a girl can dream, Jack."

"I'm aware."

"Your sarcasm hurts, Jack."

"If you think my sarcasm hurts, you should think about my— OW!"

"There are _four-year olds in the room_!"

"That sippy-cup _hurt_. . . ."

". . . ."

"Ew! Jack! Clear you damn gutter-mind!"

"Ow! That stuffed animal hurts you know!"

". . . ."

"Now who's the one with the gutter-mind. . . . _OW_!"

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**This chapter has recently been edited and now include spaces, yay!**


	2. Three Friends and a Funeral

**Author's Note:**

**Hey there! It's Emma with another ****Speak For Yourself ****One-shot. ****_Finally_****, I know. For the past couple of days attempting to think of something to write about using All-dialogue so that it's remotely humorous. But things usually don't turn out as planned. But whatever! It's here now! Anyways, I hope you enjoy.**

**_Description:_**

_"Stick isn't dead?"__ "Of course Stick is dead-" __". . . ."_

_What happens when Kim and Jack are roped, most unwillingly, into attending a funeral for Jerry's best _friend? _What happens when that best friend was never, technically, alive in the first place? Hmmm. _

* * *

**Kim/**_Jack/_Jerry/Others

* * *

"He was a friend, no, he was more than a friend- he was a _best_ friend. And now- now he's g-gone."

_"It's ok, Jerry, just let it out. Let it out, man."_

"I can't believe he could just leave me like this, when I needed him the most. Stick was always there for me, ALWAYS!"

_"I know, Jerry. He was extremely loyal to you when none of the others were. But you've got to let him go soon and move on-"_

"Move on? Move on! I can't just move on! That would make me ungrateful for all the years he's been my best friend! How can you even think that I can just forget about him and m-"

**"Oh for God's sake, Jerry. Spike was just a pencil that broke in half because you stepped on him! ****_Get over it_****."**

_"Kim! How could you be so harsh to a man who is still in mourning?"_

**"Mourning? Please! Stick is-don't look at me like that-Stick is an inanimate object that can't die!"**

"Stick isn't dead?"

_"Of course Stick is dead-"_

". . . ."

_"I didn't mean it like that! I meant that-"_

**"Stick was never alive. That is what Jack meant."**

"But- but- but if Stick was never alive then how come we're having a funeral? What about that, Kim? What. About. That."

**"Ok one; I wouldn't exactly call this a funeral. And two; dude you begged on your knees for us to attend because Eddie, Rudy, and Milton claimed they had to milk a goat."**

"They really didn't have to milk a goat?"

**"No."**

_"You did beg—"_

"Jack! Now you're taking her side? I thought we were friends!"

_"We are friends!"_

"Then tell Kim that this really is a funeral and that Stick really is— d-d-dead!"

**"Oh my gosh for the last time, Stick isn't dead nor was he ever alive— he's an inanimate object."**

_"I'm sorry, Jerry, but along with Kim being right—"_

**"I'm always right."**

_"— the dude's buried in a Crayola box as a substitution for a casket. I don't think you can call this a funeral."_

"Fine. I see where I stand, Jack. Just because your girlfriend—"

_"She's not my girlfriend."_

"—says that this wondrous event for a dearly missed _best_ friend is lame and doesn't deserved to be considered as a _funeral_ doesn't mean you have to go be the golden boyfriend—"

**"He's not my boyfriend."**

"—and listen. But fine. Just fine. I see how love works."

_"We're most definitely not in love!"_

"Since Stick and I are _clearly_ not welcomed here I'm just going to reconvene somewhere else. Somewhere we _are_ welcomed— Crayola casket and all! Then once I'm gone, you two love birds—"

**_"Jerry. . ."_**

"—can commence in playing tongue hockey not caring about the loss of a special friend. You two can just go on with your lives not knowing how important Stick was to me. You guys can continue in being completely oblivious to how was always there: for every test, every assignment, every flick-n-fly—"

**"What?"**

_"Don't ask."_

"But you guys just go ahead and continue not to care! I can tell you're too involved with more _important_ things than commemorating a great guy. You're too involved in more petty things than commemorating a great guy. You're too involved in—"

**"Jerry, just take this."**

"Oooo! It's purple!"

**"Yes, Jerry. Meet Sticketta."**

"Hi, Sticketta, I can tell that we're going to be great friends—"

(Jerry leaves the dojo.)

_"Nice."_

**"Eh, Jerry has the brain the size of a falafel ball. It was easy to distract him."**

_"That's kind of harsh. . . But it's just so true."_

**"Mmhmm."**

"Hey, guys."

_"Uh, hey Rudy. Whatcha got there?"_

"Goats milk."

**"Wha—?"**

"Here's the rest, Rudy."

"Just set them over on the bench we still have a few more buckets over at Phil's."

(Eddie, and Milton do so and then the trio leaves the dojo.)

**"They weren't lying, huh?"**

_"Apparently not."_

* * *

**"Jerry, what could you possibly want at 11:00 at night?"**

"K-K-Kim, Sticketta d-d-died!"

**"Urrgggffff."**

* * *

**A/N:**

**So it's not the best, but I still hope you enjoyed!**

**If you have an idea, suggestion, or a streak of inspiration, then PM me. If not- feel free to comment anyways. Be nice, though. I'm a fragile bunny.**


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